Holidays Without My Love

 As Ethan and I watched the CMA Christmas Special, Rascal Flatts (my all-time favorite) came on and sang 'I'll Be Home For Christmas'. As they sang, pictures and videos were played on the screen behind them of military personnel and their families sending special messages to one another from far away. I, of course, was crying my eyes out. But the thing that broke my heart most of all was when my sweet little boy looked up at me and with tears in his big brown eyes said, "Mama, my daddy's not gonna be here for Christmas". Ugh...I melted into a puddle on the floor! I wish with every fiber of my being that I had the power to bring him home for Christmas! This year is our littlest love's first Christmas and I wish so much that JP could be here to celebrate with us. As I put out decorations for Christmas, it makes me realize even more that this year will be so much different than the rest.  Normally, JP and I take out all the stuff the day after Thanksgiving, turn on the Christmas music and drink hot chocolate with our little love (Ethan). We both are like little kids that cannot contain our excitement! We go to the lot and pick out a fresh tree, bring it home and get started. JP usually does the lights for me and then we all pick out our favorite ornaments to be placed in that "perfect" spot. I was thinking of buying a fake tree for the simple fact that I couldn't see myself picking out a tree without JP. As I was getting the kids ready I thought, "You know, it just wouldn't be Christmas without that fresh tree smell. I am so glad I changed my mind because Ethan had a blast picking one out. We got it home and began decorating immediately. I picked up one of my most treasured ornaments and read the words, "Our First Christmas". I remembered through tears that first one, that was ever so special, with fondness. This will be our 5th together and though we are separated my many many miles, he is here with me in the faces of my two precious babies. Of all the gifts he has ever given me, Ethan Hunter and Savannah Joyce were by far the best! I could not be any more thankful for my three loves and our precious angel baby watching over us from up above!! I will put a smile on my face and make this Christmas just as special as the ones past. We will have our Daddy back ever so soon and we will be celebrating Christmas in February with him!! Hold on tight to your loved ones and never take for granted the precious time you have together. Remember those of us that are missing ours and keep them in your prayers! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

Late Night Calls

So, the time difference between here and Afcrapistan (stole it from Rachelle) is 14.5 hours. When JP gets off of work it's 4:00 in the afternoon there, but 1:30 in the morning here. Needless to say, I get phonecalls in the wee hours of the morning. I LOVE getting his calls! I wish that we could talk longer and more often. I had to buy and send him a laptop in disguise. Last deployment we made the mistake of putting on the customs form what was in the box and someone stole his Macbook. I had to jump through hoops to get the money back, even though I payed for insurance for that reason. Anyway, now we're waiting on it to get to him so we can talk over the webcam. It is so intensely difficult not being able to just pick up the phone and dial his number to talk whenever I need to. I find myself thinking that I can a lot. I love the sweet things he does for me from so far away. The other day, as many of you saw, he sent me three dozen roses, a teddy bear and chocolates! He lights up my world! I got an e-mail a few minutes ago from him and he is sending me more gifts! I love the things he sends, but NOTHING can replace having him here. I miss laying in bed at night with him talking about life. We always lay there talking until one or both of us falls asleep. I hate this! Problems arise and I have to wait on him to either read my e-mail asking him to call or just wait for him to get off work. I absolutely cannot wait for this freaking deployment to be over and behind us! I know some people say that we shouldn't complain about the communication because it's a privilige to even be able to talk at all. I KNOW it is, trust me. It's just extremely hard when you have children together and things happen with them that the other parent needs to know. Ugh...my stress level is through the roof at this point. I need a break! I wait for the sound of his voice on the other end of the line. I long for the comforting touch of his hand that says without a word, "I'm here and everything is gonna be ok." So, I wait for the day when he'll be back and we can have our late night conversations once again......

Ethan Hunter

I absolutely cannot believe our little boy is 3 years old today! I have loved every minute of being his mama. I remember the days surrounding finding out I was pregnant. I thought I had the flu and our friend Tessa kept telling me I had to be pregnant. I finally took a pregnancy test and it was positive! :) I was beyond excited! I woke JP up to tell him and at first he thought I was just messing with him, until he saw the test in my hand. Then he got excited and started calling everybody to tell them the good news! He kept saying, "I'm gonna be a daddy!!" It was too funny! We found out in January and then in February we got our tax return. JP was like a kid at Christmas. He was buying everything we could possibly need for a little one! When I was 20 weeks we found out we were having a boy and we both cried tears of joy! We chose the name Ethan Hunter and didn't know then how well it would fit our little boy! Ethan in the Hebrew and English languages means, strong, firm, impetuous and Hunter just means one who hunts. The days surrounding his birth were crazy to say the least. My mom had come up to Va. to be with us. We walked, played card games, shopped and walked some more! I was over-due with Ethan and I was miserable! On the morning of the 26th of September we decided to go to Mt. Vernon (George Washington's estate) and I felt like poop. My mom even made the comment while we were getting ready that maybe it was the day he would decide to come! I laughed and said that I doubted it, considering how lng he had already been in there. I just figured he was holding on to my ribs by his toes! Haha! Anyway, we got there and started walking around. I immediately started having contractions every 20 minutes and as the day progressed they just got closer and closer. Eventually, we walked down this huge hill to look at the pier and realized the park was closing. By this time my contractions were about 2 minutes apart. I decided I wanted to go to the hospital. Well, we had to get back up this hill and I started crying. I could not make it. One of the security guys came to the top and yelled down that we needed to amke our way to the gates. JP nicely told him that I could not walk back up because I was in labor and the guy said it was too hard to get the golf cart he was driving back up the hill, so I would have to manage. My mom got serious (very serious) and told him I was walking back up, he was going to come get me. He obliged quickly! The conversation between him, the little old ladies also riding and myself was unbelievable to say the least! The ladies were so worried about me, while he could have cared less. We left and made our way to the hospital slowly. We stopped to get something to eat and I couldn't even take a bite without having a contraction. By this point they were 1 minute apart. When we got to the hospital they checked me and I was only 2 cm. We were in disbelief!!! All this time and only 2!?! They had me walk around the hospital for two hours and I cried for most of that. Turns out Ethan was in the posterior position and that was keeping me from dilating. I got him to turn right before it was time to go back in and thankfully when they checked me I was 4 cm! They had to give me Pitosin after I got my epidural because my contractions stopped. Eventually, Ethan was born at 9:26 AM on September 27th. He was a whopping 8lbs. 10oz. and 22 in. long! He was beautiful! JP, my mom and I cried when we saw him! He was such a sweet baby and still is a very sweet boy! He is ornery, stubborn and very oppinionated sometimes, but he is also, loving, brave, adventurous, funny, happy, smart and the absolute light of mine and JP's world! We could not have hand-picked a better little boy! We are so blessed and thankful to be his parents. He keeps us laughing for sure!!! We can't imagine our lives without him!!! Love you sweet boy! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUBBAS!!!!

Restlessness

So, I am exhausted! I feel wiped out physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I sometimes find it unbelievable that I muster the energy to get out of bed at all during the day. Between two kids, my love being away, running around for different things and all the different events we attend I need a getaway! I feel like I'm being pulled in a hundred different directions. Everytime I feel like I'm a little bit ahead I somehow get swept back under. I lay in bed at night unable to fall asleep for different reasons. I wish I could just lay down and go to sleep immediately like my husband is able to do. I don't want to take anything to help me sleep because I'm afraid I won't wake up for the kids in the middle of the night or I might miss a phonecall from the hubbs. I honestly need time to just be alone and away from it all. I love my family and friends dearly. I wouldn't trade them for the world, but I think if my mind could just relax for an hour i would be a much more pleasant person. I hide the pain and sadness I feel way down deep. I try to hold it together for everyone around me, but I feel like I'm going to break. I wish that I could just let go of the worry and I really do try. I worry enough for everyone! I am in a constant state of prayer for myslef and for others. I pray that I can gather the strength to keep it all together. I always think, "If one more thing goes wrong..." I know it's not healthy, but that is who I am. Hi, my name is Lisa and I'm a "worry-holic". I hate that I feel like I can't share every little detail with my husband as I normally do because he doesn't need that over there. He has always told me to talk to him about everything, but I just can't put more of a burden on him than he already has. So, I pray and worry.....

Our Journey

JP and I met through a mutual friend over the phone. Our first two weeks of dating was spent on the phone talking for hours at a time. We clicked immediately. The chemistry between us was unbelievable! It wasn't working out for him to drive down to Ga. to visit me, so I decided I would drive up to NC to meet him. It was by far the BEST decision I ever made. I got there and originally planned on only being there for two weeks. Well, that changed very quickly. I got there on August 1 and by August 8 he asked me to marry him. Now, I know some of you are probably thinking, "How could you possibly say yes?" But I knew without a shadow of a doubt he was "the one". I was in the kitchen making sweet tea (imagine that), JP came in and was looking at me with his cute little grin. I kept asking him why he was looking at me that way and the next thing I knew he was getting down on one knee. I know to some it may not seem like the most romantic setting, but for me it was magical. He told me how much he loved me and how he never wanted to spend a waking moment without me. So, of course I said "YES!!". The next day he told me he wanted me to quit my job back home and provide for me for the rest of our lives. I quit my job and never looked back. JP then had to go to Va. to check into his new duty station at HMX-1 Presidential Support Squadron. I stayed in NC with his cousin, Travis and his then wife, April. JP would drive down every weekend to spend time with me. We decided to get married on September 1. I drove up to Va. to pick him up and bring him back to NC for that special day. We said "I do" and it was amazing! After that JP continued driving back and forth to NC. I finally got to move up to Va. in the beginning of Oct. That was 4 years ago as of the beginning of this month. Our marriage has been full of up's and down's, but at the end of the day we always made up and fell asleep in each other's arms. I absolutely hate being away from the love of my life. I take it one day at a time. I long to have him back here with us. I miss the everyday things that others consider monotonous. I miss waking up with him before he leaves for work, doing things during the day to keep myself busy until his return. I miss the excitement I feel knowing it's getting closer to him walking in the door to come over and kiss me and our little loves. I miss hearing our boy yell, "Daddy, you're home! I missed you all day!" I miss him coming in the kitchen to help me cook dinner and then sitting down to eat while he tells me about his day. I miss picking at each other and laughing until tears are streaming down our faces. I even miss arguing just to make up. JP and our babies are the GREATEST blessings I could've ever asked for!! I prayed for years for a husband and children to love and I was lucky enough to get them! I don't know what I did to deserve them, but God surely knew what he was doing!

Late night cravings

So, I am obviously no longer pregnant. I am however, surrounded by a bunch of preggos! :) It makes my heart happy to share my experiences with them and have them ask different questions. My friend, Megan (one of the preggos), was talking to me on FB chat last night and she was craving steak (of all things) at midnight. So, as her other half is with my hubby in Afghanistan, I stepped in to the role of making sure she got what she needed! I loaded the kids in the Jeep and drove to her house. We then drove around until we found something that was open. By the time we got to the diner her craving had changed...lol! We had a wonderful time chatting over our late night meal! I so enjoy being able to do these kinds of things. These are the kind of things that make the time go by faster. Somedays, I miss the feeling of a new life growing inside of me. I DEFINITELY do not miss the "all day, everyday sickness". I still have yet to figure out why in the world they would just label it "morning sickness". I cannot believe my babies are growing up so fast! Ethan will be 3 in 6 days! Vannah is already 4 1/2 months old! They have been such a blessing. Even when the day is long and my patience is wearing thin they can turn it all around in an instant. I am so excited for my friends that are expecting. They soon will know how wonderful it is to hold that little bundle that was created out of love. If my pregnancies were easier I swear I would have a whole brude of babies! Anyway, in the months to come I'm sure there will be many more late night cravings and once again we will be in search of just the right thing to fulfill them!  Congrats to all of the preggos in my life!!

Deployment #2

Deployment is the absolute hardest part of being in love with a Military member. I would not wish this on my worst enemy! Although we have one deployment already under our belts it never gets easier to say "goodbye." I miss my husband terribly, but even as much as that hurts, it hurts more to see our little boy struggle with having his daddy away. I often wonder what is going through his little mind as he watches his rock get on a bus and drive away to be gone for another 7 months. Ethan is very advanced for his age and understands that daddy will be at work for a long time. In fact, the day after JP left Ethan was talking to Vannah and said, "Daddy is at work for a long time, but he loves you very much!" I absolutely broke down at his statement and the love that was portrayed to his little sister. As much as my mother's heart desires to have him understand, I wasn't really sure if it had sunk in for him. Obviously I had nothing to worry about about in that department. Ethan is very dependant on JP. The bond they share touches me in a way that I never knew possible. The adoration Ethan shows towards his daddy is a beautiful thing! JP is the BEST husband and father I could ever ask for. He loves us with a love that is pure and sweet, no strings attached. I say he is Ethan's rock, but in reality he is our family's rock. He is one of the most caring people I have ever met in my life. We are always his first priority in every decision he makes. I am ever thankful to God for bringing this amazing man into my life and allowing me to have the honor of being his wife. I hope and pray for his safe and swift return every second of every day. I also pray for our sweet little boy's heart and that he will always know how very much he is loved. my heart breaks daily as I have to be two parents at the same time. I pray for strength and patience to make it through this trial. It is a daily struggle, but we will get through this just as we got through the last one. JP and I thank all of the friends and family that show their love and support during this time and pray you all know how much we appreciate you!